The Silver Trumpet Brayed

 I had not realised that I had written so much in this - too much of it is far too personal for  public release.  It's rather concerning.

posted by Weasel @ 11:33 PM 0 comments

 It's so long since I posted anything here.  Nothing has changed other than that I have retired from work and, increasingly from playing too.  Just waiting now.

posted by Weasel @ 10:57 PM 0 comments

Not sure of my direction - many years gone by now since the great change.  A couple of things thrown out recently, a couple of jobs I used to do but which have become irritating.

posted by Weasel @ 11:02 AM 0 comments

Elijah

From Elijah: "Call him louder! Call him louder!" (incorrect date on this - from over a year ago)

posted by Weasel @ 10:58 AM 0 comments

The wish to sleep until the long trick's over. The replacing of those essential elements with some artificial substance which gives that temporary relief, that oil which aids hibernation and makes the winter shorter.
(Incorrect date on this - from over a year ago)

posted by Weasel @ 10:58 AM 0 comments

Years into it now but still the thread not broken, still no sense of having left, not really.  Glad to be out of some of the things that hurt me but still there really.

Lots of trust betrayed and emptiness amplified.  Not sure now where all this is leading.

posted by Weasel @ 5:34 PM 0 comments

So is she here? Is she waiting over there and watching, colouring the light as only she can, or is it real?

posted by Weasel @ 10:00 AM 0 comments

Why are some people so disagreeable?  After an incident with someone which resulted (I think) in reprimand, yesterday I met him for the first time since then.  It was almost a repeat performance so once again I have put in a formal written complaint.  It would be easier simply to resign and cut away that part of my life but in doing that I would lose money and, more importantly, access to the company accountant.  Until next March I can't afford to lose that.  Then I will leave.

Too much playing - I am turning down things I want to do in order to do things I do not want to do - That is daft.

posted by Weasel @ 9:56 AM 0 comments

Well into it now, and is it so different?  Is the freedom so complete?  Each time I go back into work it reinforces that feeling that I have never left. I have done so few of the things I said I would do, mainly for financial reasons, and there are things going wrong which I know I should sort out, but which I really can't be bothered.

I did find a purpose, I did find direction but was disheartened by the way I was treated by others - so many people who asked me to do things for them, then, when I had done it, hadn't even the manners to say thank you or, in a couple of occasions, even to respond.  To be honest, I would not have known if they had even received them were it not for them being mentioned in passing by other people.  And if I say I won't do it again (I've said it so many times before) will that help?  Of course not - I know that next time someone calls and asks for help I'll do it. 

This deafness is becoming oppressive.

posted by Weasel @ 11:31 PM 0 comments

Yet another blow, two in as many months and the question raised yet again of the point of all this.  There are have been too many mistakes, too many things have gone wrong and there is little point in continuing.

posted by Weasel @ 11:22 AM 0 comments

Starting to drift away from work now, starting to enjoy it all.  Very busy, not hunting around for things to do as I'd feared.  But a more dreadful, more wonderful ship on the horizon, another ship and once again waiting for it to make port, or sail off into another sunset.

posted by Weasel @ 9:16 PM 0 comments